What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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