Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
