Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
