Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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