Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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