11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
