and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
