Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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