I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
i think i just lost a toe
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
