so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
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