oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Is it because I queefed?
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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