I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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