If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
