somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
