Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Randomize
