My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
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