It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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