I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
