i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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