Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
