You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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