dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
