i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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