Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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