hotel room ftw
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
