no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
