if you like me you must not know who I am
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
