I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
