carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
