Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
