Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Small penises have feelings too.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
