wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
