Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
We are all done wearing pants today
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
