Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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