Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize