I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
