But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
