I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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