UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
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he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
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Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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