if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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