i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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