Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
