I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
