Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
