i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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