i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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