He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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