Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
