we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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