Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
