Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
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