She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
