escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
this boner is exhausting
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
