I wanna passion pit in your ass
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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