i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
