How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
