You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
