she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
