Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
