My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
