Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
