Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
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I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
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I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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