Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
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