My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
