Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
