you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
