His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Randomize
