Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
