Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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