I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
