Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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