At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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