is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
