i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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