well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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